i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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