she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
