You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
