i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
