I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
being pregnant is like rehab
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
