Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
