i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
meet me or not, i'm out of control
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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