Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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