You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
