Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
