When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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