if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
