ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
