Please, let me fuck your mom
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
