I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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