Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
