Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
