I feel like abortions should bother me more
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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