you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
