I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
