My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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