She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
