i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
