I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
