Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
