saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
