Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
