I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
