Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
