found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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