Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
