I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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