Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
