yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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