I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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