WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
