Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
