my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
