You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
