Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
