Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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