The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
