I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
