he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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