I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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