I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
