how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
