Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
