I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
