My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
