Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
